By Jack Crossley
First released in paperback in 2008.
A hilarious compendium of all that's extraordinary approximately existence within the British Isles – the eccentric, extraordinary forms and outright oddity suggested over the past yr through the nation's newspapers, together with: father or mother headline, 'Man with fake leg hit with rest room lid.'; The Astrological journal, 'announces that it truly is to stop as a result of unexpected circumstances.'
Jack Crossley spent a few forty years in Fleet road and has compiled this laugh-out-loud selection of anecdotes and unusual goings-on which sound so outlandish you definitely couldn't lead them to up.
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Extra info for Barmy Britain: Bizarre but True Stories from across the Nation
Teach him how to fish, and he will sit about in a boat and guzzle beer all day. (Anon) 55 If alcohol is a crutch, then whiskey is the wheelchair. (Anon) It is sweet to drink but bitter to pay for. (Irish) One drink is enough, two drinks are too many, three drinks are not enough. (Portuguese) The wine is sweet but the payment sour. (Irish) 56 The church is close but the road is icy; the bar is far but I’ll walk carefully. (Russian) The drunken man’s joy is usually the sober man’s regret. (Danish) P The drunken mouth lets slip the heart’s secrets.
Anon) 29 Sometimes you are the insect; sometimes you are the windscreen. (Anon) Strategy is better than strength. (Nigeria) Stretch your hands as far as they reach, and grab all you can grab. (Nigeria) The eyes believe what they see; the ears what people tell them. (German) 30 u Sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel really is an oncoming train. (Anon) 31 ˇ Sometimes you’re the pigeon, sometimes you’re the statue. (Anon) 32 The journey of a thousand miles starts with a broken fan belt. (Anon) There’s an inverse relationship between how good something is for you, and how much fun it is.
Anon) 38 Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggie”, whilst looking for a bigger stick. (Anon) Doctors clean the body, ministers the conscience, and lawyers the purse. (German) He that loves the law will get his fill of it. (Scottish) 39 í A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and have you actually looking forward to the trip. (Anon) 40 It is better to enter the mouth of a tiger than a court of law. (Chinese) It is better to exist unknown to the law and lawyers. (Irish) Lawyers and painters can soon change black to white.