Read e-book online Care of Wooden Floors PDF

By Will Wiles

A British copywriter house-sits at his composer pal Oskar’s trendy condominium in a glum japanese ecu urban. The directions are uncomplicated: Feed the cats, don’t contact the piano, and confirm not anything damages the beneficial wooden flooring. content material for the 1st time in a long time, he by chance spills a few wine. The condo and the narrator’s sanity steadily crumble during this strange and enjoyable novel.

Oskar has left a number of notes for his pal, lightly teaching him within the right upkeep of the flat. yet over the process one disastrous week, because the state of affairs in (and out) of the house spirals uncontrolled, the notes tackle a extra insistent—and creepily prescient—tone.

Anyone who has ever felt not so good as a perfectionist buddy will sympathize with the narrator’s plight. Wiles is a certainly humorous comedian novelist within the culture of these prior British W’s, Wodehouse and Waugh.

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She’s my executive assistant,” Matt said. ” “Speaking of which,” she said, “you need to get Gary off the ship. ” Matt sighed, then pounded on the side of the RV. ” he shouted. ” “Coming,” called a voice from inside. The door opened once more, and a grossly overweight young man climbed out. ” He also reeked of putrescence and was spattered with vile black goo. “Meet Gary Severin, my pet Horta,” Matt said. ” But he played dumb, forcing Matt to spend more than a minute explaining the concept. “I call Gary a Horta because he’s large and lumpy, too,” Matt concluded, just in case the comparison wasn’t clear.

He asked the kid for his room number and then tried to clarify the issue. “You mean the TV’s broken? ” “It’s static,” the kid explained. Jim promised to send up a maintenance person by the end of the day. “And you can get your toy back after the convention. ” He was back in the lobby a minute later and emerged from the elevator to find a pretty, young woman waiting for the lift. Judging from her navy-blue suit and Coach handbag, he guessed she’d arrived on business. The woman smiled at him. ” Jim looked down at his red hotel jacket—and the toy phaser—and realized she had mistaken him for a Trekkie.

Nice shady spot on a hot day. ” Jim handed him the note from Sarah. “She wants you to call this bakery. It’s about some kind of . ” “D7 battle cruiser cake,” Rodriguez said, nodding. ” Jim watched Rodriguez step back inside and then held the door for himself. Before returning to the storage room, he glanced one last time at the end of the alley. The people in the dark were still watching. It was odd, but it didn’t really add up to anything. The bites on Dexter and Sarah were strange, too . . but so what?

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